Brian, Bristol: 3, Pleasure: 1

Last Meal: birthday cake?
Thoughts: Held that in all freaking afternoon, and now I'm stuck with heavy, dense, stinky poo that's wedged itself into the toilet and refuses to go down. FML.

Kirk, Bristol: 4, Pleasure: 4

Last Meal: Onion Burger
Thoughts: Slid out so easily, it almost felt "pre-lubed". Mild acrid stench made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.